Is it okay to lie to someone with dementia?
A person with dementia might ask questions that are difficult to answer truthfully without causing distress. Read the Alzheimer's Society's advice on why the person might be asking these questions and how to respond in situations where it might be better to lie or to not tell the whole truth.
Types of questions a person with dementia might ask
The questions people living with dementia ask can challenge us. You may recognise some of these from your own experience:
- When is dad coming to visit? (When the person’s father is sadly long dead)
- Will I be going home soon? (Person living in a nursing home)
- Shall I set the table for the guests? (From a former B&B owner, now in residential care)
- You seem nice... but who are you? (Person to their partner)
- Who are those little people by the window? (Person could be living anywhere)
For those close to people with dementia, how to respond to their questions can be a daily challenge. Is it acceptable to lie – ever? Or should we just tell the brutal truth - always?
How we respond will affect how the person and us feel and behave, now and in the future. We feel that if we get things ‘wrong’ we might damage a relationship that may well be already strained.
Why might a person with dementia ask difficult questions?
Difficult questions often arise when the person is living in a different reality and/or has different beliefs from those around them.
These differences may become more apparent as dementia progresses but they are not limited to the condition’s later stages. They include:
- behaving as a younger version of themselves (time-shifted)
- beliefs – sometimes strongly held – that are false to others (delusions)
- unfounded suspicions or allegations about others (infidelity, malice, deceit)
- experiencing things that aren’t there (visual hallucinations).